Strengthen Your Relationship Through Healthy Conflict
Something I stress to my clients all the time is that their conflict has the potential to be an incredible opportunity for connection. When I ask my clients to describe for me what conflict looked like to them growing up, I’ll often first notice the expression on their face change from blank to “oh shit”. Eye brows raised, they lean back a little in their seat, and take a deep inhale as if their body is remembering… and it’s saying “stand back” or simply “don’t”. They proceed to tell me stories of their parents screaming and becoming volatile, or the opposite there was no conflict… we didn’t talk about our feelings. Whatever the case the message was the same: Conflict isn’t safe.
For most of us we were never taught how to effectively express our feelings let alone how to understand what we were feeling. We learned that having needs and expressing feelings lead to being attacked, mocked, dismissed, guilted, shamed, or abandoned, etc. Now in our adult relationships when conflict arises we armor up and defend, get loud in order to feel heard, shut down and shut others out, or we get so scare someone is going to leave us we abandon ourselves to keep them.
Conflict for most is synonymous with disconnection. As humans who are hardwired to crave connection it makes sense that we often fear conflict and give it a bad rep. But just as every human is capable of light and darkness what if conflict is too? What if conflict meant I’m going to share my experience and my feelings with you and receive understanding, validation, and compassion… and in return I’m going to create the space for your experience to be understood, validated, and cared for. We may still not agree… but we will be feeling safe and connected. We may still need to problem solve… but how much easier will that be when we feel safe not to armor up, attack, or shut down.
Healthy conflict CAN lead to a deeper connection!
If you’re ready to learn how to use healthy conflict to strengthen your relationship, then request your free consultation now!
